30 Daze..

I have experienced thirty of the most strangest days I've ever had {at least consecutively} & it's a lot to digest.

 On/Off relationships, thoughts on how we give words so much power, emotional 'rugs' ripped from underneath your feet, how quickly your everyday life will change without hesitation or consideration to ones mental/emotional health. It's natural to doubt oneself, as humans we usually have to place the blame somewhere. To make ourselves feel a certain way. 

Well.. I'm not going to settle for that. AT ALL. 

 If anything these experiences have given me freedom & a new view of life. Of course it sounds overly optimistic {which is not my usual nature} but I have no choice but to be. 

Speaking freely to many but easier to write in singular than plural form.. 

 I want you to know that I will & always continuously love, miss, & think of you. It's hard to imagine my life without you, as you've been a key person for some time. When we actually met for the first time, it felt more like we were reuniting after being away for a long time. I knew you & you already knew me. We spoke everyday without words. No one else could understand us, but it was okay. It was easier for them if they didn't.. 
 I can't place the starting location of where it went wrong. We are powerful & consuming beings; it's hard to fight your shadow in the ocean. And when the forces battle.. I believe no one wins. There are many losses. 

 You flutter pass me on the streets, I can feel you/you can feel me {as we always have!}. It's like a cool blue flame but neither skips a beat. We are soul mates. Not in the human relationship meaning. More in the intangible realm. So as much as this hurts, a small piece of me knows.. it's not the end. 

"The only direction is forward.."
"It's like our friendship came from antiquities, old, pre-destined.." {direct quotes from someone else but I felt it was applicable} 



It will be a hard & lonely, enlightening & soul searching,  complicated & emotional chapter ahead.
 
ppfftttt... I'm already tired. 

{real talk.}

Saucy Saturdays are my favorite..

Saucy Saturday is in full effect. Homemade brunch
& drinks with my 520 ladies. Watching Angel on DVD. Basking in the sunlight.
Free from work til Monday!
Tonight looks like a pizza & Redbox kind of night..

{real talk.}

*edited note: never got the pizza nor the redbox. *sigh*

The Windy City {in brief}

I am more in love with Chicago than I have ever been. 
Oh my, the people I have met, the food I've ate... The Starbucks! Haha..

I am liking this traveling alone. I'm going to start doing more of it :)

And moving to the windy city is proving to me more real than I had previously imagined..


{real talk.}

Warrenton Adventures

On my way to a birthday party for a one year old girl. My second favorite kind of party. First being any party that involves Jameson. :)

Enjoying my Saturday off, as they are few and far inbetween and it seems like it's the first day of winter as it's like 55 degrees and cloudy with all week it being sunny and in the 70's!!

It's been a rollercoaster these past few weeks. I'll elaborate later...

Party on!
xoxo

Garry - Good + Plenty= ?

Well.

Nothing crazy gonna happen on this one. 

I was talking about it aloud w/ my wife today and she put it out there;

"Well.. you were kind of lead on/ mislead. And that's the shitty part, right?"

I never even thought of it like that. 

I mean, its not a earth shattering betrayal or something.

Would have been nice to not have the hiccups, tho.

(Smooth sailing.)

Maybe I am a glutton for pain/punishment.. but I don't want him to go away. 

I want to get to know him more and if train never leaves the station.. well..

I can still hop in the conductors' seat and pretend to drive.. right?

right.


~sucka free 

First Timers Delight

was just thinking of the last time i made a blog, and i believe it was when i made a tandem word swap poem with a friend.
yea,blogs are nice. good ways to remember things.
yawns and coughs all day long, sounds filter into this apartment through the open window.wow.door creeks.
i could be anywhere usa, doing yoga in the middle of the day.
.or after work.while this beat is killing me.

So..

I have been 'single' for sometime now.
Almost 2 years to be exact.
When I think I have it figured out.. it all blows up in my face.

Not literally but, figuratively. I also believe it is for the best.
I am emotionally not ready to be... to be..

To be what?! I don't have a clear answer.

Maybe just someone to:
talk about whatever, whenever.
eat dinner with.
take walks together.
snuggle.
learn how to throw clay with. (lol)

NOT:
talk about the future..
babies..
weddings..
eh.


I would like a summer love.
Or a Sunday kind of love.


That is what I want.
-- Sucka Free